I feel awful. This has been a terrible summer holiday and I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt. I’ve literally went out like 4 or 5 times and even then just to someone’s house or the library and even some of those times I’ve felt uncomfortable. I genuinely feel like my friends have kind of forgotten about me and I know it’s probably my fault but it still hurts. It just doesn’t seem like things would be impacted a lot whether I was there or not. I’ve missed out on parties and things like that because I’m just too scared and panicked at how stressful it’d be, which sucks because I’m unbelievably lonely and I don’t remember the last time I properly went out to the woods or something with a group of people. I don’t know what’s going on, I used to take any chance I was given to go out and see everyone and now I avoid it at any cost. And even though I tell myself I don’t care that the majority of my friends are all out and have boys falling at their feet, that it doesn’t matter if I don’t have anyone at the moment, it does. It bothers me a lot. I’d just like someone who doesn’t mind that I don’t want to be in big groups all the time, someone who I feel comfortable around. Just one single person who I can talk to. I’m sick of feeling so alone. Problem is I can’t get the courage to try and get to know someone and as soon as someone actually tries to talk to me I panic and log out of everything or try and avoid it. I am my own worst enemy. The best I can do nowadays is write pointless paragraphs like this just to vent how I’m feeling because no one around here ever asks, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.
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